I know this may not come as a shock for many of you, but being a mom with ADHD and having at least 3 children with it, (and a husband!) is very challenging!
I know, I know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, trials and tribulations help us grow, blah, blah, blah. And I AM learning so much, and that IS good for me, and all that good stuff. But heck, sometimes I just wish we could have a break from all of it! I mean, holy cow, ADHD is hard!
We always knew it was going to be a little rough as he made his way through his turbulent teens (forget about the "Terrible Two's"!), but I never expected the emotional pain that would go along with it. Emotional pain for him, for us, his parents, and for all the people that love him. It's not like anything I could have predicted. (If anyone knows of a teen that struggles with self-esteem, stop reading this and send them a text or give them a hug RIGHT NOW... then come back.)
For all I know, it would've been just as painful for him if he would have continued to stay in school. But as it was, his school history of being "home-schooled" on and off then going to a rigorous charter school for a year and a half because we thought it was a good idea and because his siblings went there, didn't seem to help. Many of you with ADHD kids may have a similar experience. You pull the kid out because he complains of being bored and of going to school. So, you try homeschooling. Which doesn't really work, am I right? Then, you try another school, and the teacher or the kids are the problem...or whatever. Then, you pull them out and try to homeschool again, or try another school. Finally, the poor kid has been to tossed around to several different schools, has no friends, and can't seem to fit in anywhere. (As I am writing this, I'm hoping to help anyone considering taking their child out of school. Please, think it over carefully! The more they stay out, the harder it is to make friends. And if you can believe this, the grass isn't always greener on the other side!!!)
But just so we're clear, we did everything we thought was best for him at the time. All well-meaning and good parents do, right? And every treatment or supplement we tried, starting with homeopathic remedies of sulfur when he was around 5, to daily dosing with high-quality fish oil, to zinc, to neuro-feedback treatments, to weekly B12 shots, to therapy, and now to ADHD medication and more therapy, along with methyl-folate and B12 chewables haven't relieved his problems yet. All this, and now he has to fight teen acne!
And speaking of acne, did you know there isn't one thing we've tried that has been the miraculous cure it has claimed to be? And acne sure doesn't help when a child's self-esteem already suffers by-the-way. And that low self-esteem is by far the worst part of the deal. I worry about him constantly! He goes with his dad to work and that seems to make my load a little lighter, because I know that when he's with him, he normally gets a break from the negative thoughts about himself and his life that plague him. That is a huge blessing, but it can't last forever. And we are inevitably going to have to face the mountain of helping him get his academic education.
One way kids with ADHD cope is through video games. It's ironic that playing video games gives them relief while at the same time usually adding to their ADHD problems. So it makes sense that the one thing I dreaded most as my boys were younger and prayed that didn't get attached to were video games! I seriously tried to keep them off as long as possible, but alas, I caved. (Does that make me a bad mom?)
Another thing is, as a mom, I feel so lonely about this because I haven't found a support group or anyone that understands what I'm going through to be friends with. It is also hard because it seems to dominate every conversation I have with my husband. I want to know how to help this boy, but we are at a loss right now. He decided he wanted to go back to school and was begging to start so we checked around. Because it was mid-semester, he wouldn't get any credit for going to our local public high school. So, he started going to an alternative brick and mortar high school for the second half of this semester to recover credits. The plan is to have him start at our local high school in January after the break. He has had so many bad experiences with school that sometimes his negative experiences with school in the past taint his experiences now. (He was bullied as a young student, and that had a big impact on him in elementary and junior high school.) So I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
The things I'm praying for right now are: that his acne will clear up (that we'll find the best treatments for it if we haven't already), that his self-esteem will improve, and that he will make a friend or two who "gets him" and will be a good influence on him! Do you have a teen son or daughter suffering/has suffered from ADHD and similar school experiences? What are you doing/have done to help?
